Why I love cricket: Richard Osman

I didn’t play cricket myself. My eyesight is terrible. I have a condition called nystagmus. I can’t see very well, I can’t drive, I can’t read an autocue. Something that goes quickly, or is small, is a nightmare, so a cricket ball is the worst thing you can possibly have. I can bowl, but batting is absolutely pointless (excuse the pun). Therefore I love cricket in a slightly different way. I don’t really see what the ball is doing.

Sometimes with spinners, certainly with slow-motion I can, but I am not seeing swing, I am not seeing where the ball pitches, so I am watching for personalities – dogged batsmen, plucky bowlers… that is what I love cricket for – the stories…the long-form, gentle meandering soap opera omnibus that goes across five days. But I’m not seeing the chess game that other people see. I feel like I am watching a slightly different sport – but it is still wonderful.

I was born in 1970 and grew up in Haywards Heath. I watched Sussex a lot in the 1980s: Gehan Mendis, Garth Le Roux, Imran Khan, the Wells brothers, John Barclay… Dermot Reeve was my favourite. Now I live in London I keep thinking wouldn’t be lovely to move back to Hove and hang out at the County Ground. It seems that kind of world is disappearing a little bit, though.  

Only occasionally did we venture to London. I saw Viv Richards’ final Test, at The Oval, in 1991. Mark Ramprakash hit one of his lovely, trademark 25s. We also came up to Lord’s to see Sussex beating Lancashire in the NatWest Trophy final in 1986. Clive Lloyd was leading them, and Ian Gould was our captain. I like an evening T20 now, but struggle for the time to go to Tests. I can’t do that all-day drinking thing which seems to be a requisite these days. Daytime drinking is a younger
man’s game.

^{Idyllic Hove – venue for Southern Brave’s first-class matches?}

I’m afraid it’s a case of the shorter the format the better for me. Cricket is going to get shorter rather than longer, I can tell you that! That is what people want, otherwise they will go off and do other things. No one owes cricket anything. It has to earn its right to be on TV, get people through the gates and so on. That thing of going along and reading the paper in the deckchair seems to have passed us by a little bit. I love Test cricket, and I really do not want to denigrate it.

We know it is the gold standard… I know it is above and beyond T20 and all that stuff… but I am afraid it’s not a growing industry. If you have teenage boys or girls who have sport in their bones, and show them the IPL, who is not enjoying that? You’ll get them for life. It doesn’t need gimmicks like Michael McIntyre presenting (as was reported). The important thing is the format. Get that right, and generations of fans will stick with your sport forever.

I don’t think it is perfect, but I think The Hundred will be a great thing. I genuinely care about the future of various sports. I love them so much and I want them to be on telly all the time. T20, The Hundred and so on, are paying to keep Test cricket alive. They deficit-fund longer-form cricket and will do increasingly. I honestly love county cricket. But I don’t see a future for it. If you are paying the rent on the County Ground, and the staff at Sussex, you can’t have a loss-leader, where you have games that no one is coming to.

I love designing and revamping things. If you asked me to take over long-form county cricket, honestly nothing comes to my mind for me, and I can usually think of something. I can’t think of anything that would double attendances. I think its race has run. I would reverse-engineer it. I’d say let’s get people excited about The Hundred, and franchises, and have them play first-class cricket. I must stress, this is not what I would like to happen, just that it might be necessary.

If you get a whole generation into Test cricket via T20, you could say to youngsters after a few years: “Oh by the way, these franchises you love, we are doing a long form of the game now. We are going to do a game that last four days.” And those kids would go: “Oh my word, that sounds amazing – like T20, but for four days?” And you would go: “Yes, yes, yes, it is going to be like that…” and because they love the players, and the franchises, and because they love cricket – and the stories and soap opera of cricket – suddenly they would go for it.

^{Ian Gould lifts the 1986 NatWest Trophy}

I don’t think cricket fans should fear it – it provides longevity which cricket currently doesn’t have. Believe me I would love cricket to thrive. You have to see the writing on the wall at some stage, though. Damage-limitation is the best thing for the long-form county game. Don’t get me in too much trouble!

What is The Cricketer’s take on what happens in the next 10–15 years? I am a huge believer that you have to earn your money. If you want people to attend something you have to give them value, and it is sometimes hard to argue that four-day county matches are paying their way. It doesn’t help that the centrally contracted players are not there. I know we need a system that makes Test players, but if it is not self-financing – if there is no demand, it will fall by the wayside.

You must understand I am playing devil’s advocate, because I want to retire and watch cricket at Hove, looking up from my paper occasionally as Sussex play Kent. But if there is a Test match and it has players who are T20 and Hundred stars, it is still a fair match to me. Some players will adapt to Test conditions better than others. The stories are still going to come. Test matches these days are full of people who play very little county cricket. They are getting their long-form cricket by actually playing in Test matches. 

We do have some cricket questions on Pointless. We find that the few people who do know about it know everything – but most people could not care less. If you are ever on Pointless go for the cricket: it’s like free money. For years cricket lost out as it was on satellite TV only. Boxing too. Joe Calzaghe was one of the greatest boxers this country has ever had but he disappeared a bit. Now we have social media it is hard to miss sporting events, though. It alerts you, and you can put the radio on, and follow it.

I love the commentary – hearing about the swing and how the ball pitches. Going into the Test Match Special box was a thrill. Cricket’s response to lockdown has also been really great – the Tests and white-ball matches, and the IPL. It’s been a great companion as I have just finished the follow-up to my book, The Thursday Murder Club. Bits are set in Hambledon and Hove. I am edging closer to getting cricket in one of them.

Interview by Huw Turbervill

This article was published in the April edition of The Cricketer - the home of the best cricket analysis and commentary, covering the international, county, women's and amateur game