Alex Hartley: "You don't really have a reason to get up in the morning"

NICK FRIEND: It was announced in mid-October that the left-arm spinner was to lose her central contract. Hartley knew it was coming, but that makes it no easier. Now, she is attempting to come to terms with it, what it means and where she goes next

Alex Hartley is honest enough to admit that the last fortnight has been among the most difficult she has ever experienced.

It was announced in mid-October that the left-arm spinner, a member of England’s World Cup-winning side of 2017, was to lose her central contract.

She found out over a one-to-one coffee meeting – an encounter she anticipated, but one for which nobody can ever truly prepare.

“You kind of go from having so much purpose in your life and working hard and getting up in the morning to train and represent your country to having that taken away from you,” she tells The Cricketer.

The 26-year-old is bubbly by nature, jovial, an upbeat presence on social media; when the news filtered through and became public knowledge, she published a heartfelt tweet thanking her teammates for the thrills of the last three years. Alongside it, she asked – tongue firmly in cheek – whether ‘anyone got any jobs going’.

That is the character of Hartley, a deeply impressive cricketer, one who made her Lancashire debut as a 14-year-old.

Yet, she confesses that this has hurt – perhaps even more than she knew it would; it has left her bereft and frustrated with herself, confused – apprehensive yet excited – at what comes next.

But it is raw. “I’m not a professional athlete anymore,” she says. It is the cruel truth – at least for the moment.

With time, she will be able to unpick her 32 caps to date and remember them for what they are; she will recall the 42 wickets she has taken so far and the World Cup medal that places her in an elite club.

She is beginning to understand her personal situation and what can come next – that this does not have to be the end of Alex Hartley as an England cricketer.

“You don’t really have a reason to get up in the morning,” she reflects. “It has been tough but I’m starting to find my feet again in these last few days. It has been tough; it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with.

“There have been days when I haven’t got out of bed, there have been days when I’ve been very upset.

“But equally, I’ve thought: ‘You know what, I can go and do what I’ve missed out on in the last two years of my life.’”

She has had consoling phone calls from Mark Robinson, himself now out of a job after leaving his role with England in August, while she has received messages from throughout a tight-knit squad. Kate Cross, with whom she is very close, asked for permission to move into her place in the dressing room.

Robinson, meanwhile, has pushed Hartley to go back to the gym; her initial grief was stopping her from returning to part of a once-daily routine.

“That was my life,” she explains, “and going to the gym kind of reminded me of playing cricket and I kind of didn’t want to do it.

“But I got up this morning on his advice and went to the gym and today has been such a better day. Fingers crossed; things will start to look up.

^{Alex Hartley has lost her England contract}

“I’ve had a few conversations with people, and they’ve said: ‘Alex, you’re still a World Cup winner.’ But for me, it’s not about that now. I actually feel quite embarrassed. For me, I feel like I should still be playing, and I should still be good enough to play.

“When people remind me that I’m a World Cup winner, I’m like: ‘But I’m not a cricketer anymore.’ It is quite a tough thing to try and figure out in my head because it’s still so fresh.”

In truth, she had seen the day coming. Hartley’s international career can be split into two halves – she has six wickets at 41.17 in ODIs since the start of 2018, substantially down on her career average of 24.35.

She has not played for England since March and has not played outside of the subcontinent, where there is more appetite for spin, since 2017.

Part of that, of course, is down to the emergence of Sophie Ecclestone, a good friend and a fellow Lancastrian. Others have also been picked ahead of her; Kirstie Gordon made her Test debut against Australia during the summer alongside Ecclestone and Laura Marsh, while Mady Villiers came in for the final T20I of the Women’s Ashes.

“I’ve felt like [it was coming] for two years, to be honest,” Hartley admits – not that prior suspicion makes the reality any easier.

“I had those two years when I started my career where I was one of the best spinners in the world and I played every game for England.

“And then after the World Cup, me and Sophie started playing together and we played every game together. And then she just got a little bit better than me.

“I think for the last 18 months, rather than me thinking I’m going to get a new contract, I kept saying: ‘I’m going to lose my contract’. I did know it was coming, but it’s still just as difficult to deal with.”

There is no resentment; that is not Hartley’s personality. Ecclestone, she adds, is “an unbelievable cricketer and she will play for England for the next 15 or 20 years if she wants to”.

The 20-year-old has become an immovable force in England’s side with a wonderfully repeatable action, an unnerving consistency and her ability to pick up wickets.

“I just need to figure out a way of being better than the other girls that are there,” Hartley sighs. “I believe I am, but I haven’t been over the last two years, which is why I’m in the position I’m in.

“If I was playing as well as I was during the 2017 World Cup, I have no doubt that I would still be there. But unfortunately, I just lost a bit of form and didn’t quite get the help that I needed at the time. But these things happen – it’s professional sport. It’s brutal.”

^{Hartley was part of the England team that won the 2017 World Cup}

There is, though, a curious paradox to Hartley’s current plight. She received a supportive text from one colleague reminding her – if such a thing is possible – that there has never been a better time to lose a central contract than now.

If it is a difficult sentiment to accept at a tender moment, it remains a sound piece of judgement. Where once there was no kind of certainty beneath the golden goose of an England deal, the implementation of 40 domestic contracts provide a new, much-needed opportunity.

“Four years ago, if you lost your England contract, that’s it, you’re done, there’s nothing,” Hartley points out.

It is all part of the ECB’s promised investment in the women’s game – the kind of venture that ought to bring England closer to Australia in the long-term, if only though increasing the player pool from which to choose.

When an Australian player loses her central contract, she slips seamlessly back into the state system as a professional player. That is the destination towards which English cricket is moving; Hartley could well be one of its early beneficiaries.

At this moment, though, she is unsure which way she will turn. She has hardly given herself the time to consider her options with a cool rationale. It is an emotional, sensitive, sentimental time.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” she confesses. “To be completely honest, I don’t know if I’ll do it yet. I know it’s a fantastic opportunity and a fantastic chance to maybe prove myself in the future – I believe that I’m good enough to play for England still. I fought for so long.

“Do I want to do it? If somebody offered me [a domestic contract] and I had to make a decision right now, I’d say no. But I know for a fact come January or February, I’ll miss playing cricket. I just need a bit of time to get my head around it.”

Hartley has fought setbacks before and won, and you sense that she is determined to do the same once again.

After being brought into the England Academy setup as a 15-year-old, she would lose her place on account of her batting and fielding.

She would come back on that occasion, however, moving south to Middlesex in 2013 in search of a fresh start in Division One. It paid off; England debuts in both white-ball formats came within ten days of each other midway through 2016.

A year later, she was a World Cup winner, parading her medal in front of a packed house at Lord’s on a day that, wherever her journey goes next, she will always have.

She briefly mentions the potential for media opportunities and anything else that may crop up, but Hartley knows she has a point to prove.

“I want myself to miss the game come Christmas and then I can start the new year, I can start afresh,” she explains with the steely determination of a proud daughter of Blackburn.

“I can start again as the little 15-year-old Alex Hartley that was a fighter and wanted to fight for her place. I can work with who I want to, I can go back to basics. I’m looking forward to what is ahead.

“Ultimately, if someone had said to me: ‘Look Alex, you’re going to be a professional cricketer, but it’s only going to last for four years,’ if they’d have said that ten years ago, I’d have bitten their hand off. It just goes to show how much women’s cricket is improving.

“There’s no better time to have lost your job because there are opportunities, there is more cricket coming up. I can still be a professional cricketer even though it’s not for England.”

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