OLIVER LAWRIE: Van Niekerk was not selected for South Africa's T20 World Cup squad after failing to meet the required time in a 2km fitness test, which left her sidelined as the Proteas reached the final of a World Cup for the first time
Dane van Niekerk is still seeking closure after feeling her omission from South Africa's T20 World Cup was personal.
Van Niekerk was not selected for South Africa's T20 World Cup squad after failing to meet the required time in a 2km fitness test, which left her sidelined as the Proteas reached the final of a World Cup for the first time in their history.
Speaking to the No Balls podcast, she said felt alienated and no longer valued by Cricket South Africa (CSA) as confusion over her omission from the squad remains.
"They did give me the opportunity (to pass the test) and I'll never take that away from them, but it was everything leading into that cut-off day," said Van Niekerk.
She was given support from a CSA trainer but was hurt by internal conversations that followed in the wake of her being stripped of the captaincy.
Dane van Niekerk has joined Sunrisers as an overseas for part of the English summer (Paul Kane/Getty Images)
"[Being stripped of the captaincy] hurt, because I was training alone, running, doing everything I can and then they say that. Where's the faith? You don't kick somebody when they're down. I didn't expect a free pass – that's not who I am.
"I held players and management accountable and that included myself. A comment was made to me about me losing the respect of the group, but how can that happen when I'm not there? It had to be an internal thing. It's personal."
She also admitted she over-trained and did not eat in order to reach the required fitness standard. "I just couldn't do it any more for a company that doesn't value me," she added.
"I never expected them to kiss my feet. But surely what I have given and what I have put my body through for 14 years, does that not count for something?"
Forced to watch on from the sidelines, van Niekerk noted the bittersweet experience of seeing South Africa beat England to reach their first World Cup final.
"The women in that team are my mates. I love them; I want good things for them," said Van Niekerk. "I was happy to see my friends experience that, but I was also bitter. The country needed that final but I did not work for 14 years for my country to miss out on that.
Van Niekerk has retired from international cricket (Sarah Ansell/Getty Images)
"I wanted to sing that national anthem with my team at Port Elizabeth, my home town."
Having represented South Africa 194 times across all formats, she sees her international retirement as a weight off her shoulders, allowing her to enjoy cricket again.
Van Niekerk was signed by Royal Challengers Bangalore in March's inaugural WPL and has been retained by defending champions Oval Invincibles in The Hundred, as well as joining Sunrisers as an overseas player in England's regional system.
"I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass a bit, people saying I need to show them why they shouldn't have left me out. "It's not about that. I want to find my love for cricket again," she said.
"Cricket gave me friends for life. It's sad that it ended how it did, but cricket gave me so much and I will always be so grateful."
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